Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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