Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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