mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
