Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
