A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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