According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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