I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
