thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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