I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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