She said her name was "party"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
