As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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