I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
