so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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