laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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