oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
