she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
