first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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