she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
