I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All I want is dick and wine.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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