I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
