What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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