he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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