I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
