whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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