He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
