you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
