His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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