I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
