Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
