Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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