Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
