somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
