whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I didn't notice because vodka
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
