Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
