Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
