I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
