Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
