He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
