Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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