i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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