I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
