Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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