They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
