i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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