i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
