I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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