smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
