Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
