I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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