Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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