This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
