I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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