Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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