We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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