with your own penis?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
