Whod you bang
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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